The Difference Between Shared Wounds and Shared Growth

We are allowed to work on ourselves, realize that we have things we need to work on related to our upbringing, while also setting boundaries with those around us who may not be on their own journeys of healing and self-awareness. So, just because we recognize our own areas of growth doesn’t mean we have to tolerate unhealthy behaviors from others who refuse to do the same. We can hold space for our own evolution while refusing to be enmeshed in cycles of dysfunction that others are unwilling to break, where our growth doesn’t mean self-sacrifice; it means discernment—knowing when to engage, when to step back, and when to walk away entirely for the sake of our own well-being.


And sometimes, even when two people are working on themselves, aware of their own upbringing and their generational trauma, they come from such similar backgrounds that they each have the same dysfunction at their core that they’re working on, and the boundaries they set for themselves basically mirror each other in a way that makes true connection difficult, if not impossible. It’s not always about one person being unwilling to grow—sometimes, two people can be on their own paths of healing but still be incompatible because their wounds, triggers, and coping mechanisms clash rather than complement. In those cases, it’s not about blame; it’s about recognizing when continued interaction only reinforces old patterns instead of fostering real transformation.


At the end of the day, healing isn’t just about self-awareness—it’s about making choices that align with our growth, even if that means letting go of people who are also trying to heal but are so similar that they end up reflecting the same unhealed wounds, reinforcing patterns rather than breaking them. So, our boundaries aren’t just about keeping others at a distance—they’re about creating the necessary space for real change, both within ourselves and those who are also on their own healing journeys. Because when two people are too entrenched in similar dysfunction, even if they’re both self-aware, their healing journeys can become entangled in a way that keeps them looping through the same unresolved dynamics.


This doesn’t mean that either person is doomed to stay stuck—it simply means that sometimes, healing requires separation. It means acknowledging that even if there is understanding, even if there is shared experience, not all connections are meant to continue. Some friendships, connections, and relationships serve as mirrors that are meant to help us recognize our wounds, but they are not always meant to be the same spaces where we are meant to heal them.


This doesn’t mean we are abandoning others or that they are abandoning us. It means we are choosing to honor the depth of our own transformation by allowing space for change to happen, unburdened by the weight of old cycles. It means recognizing that true growth isn’t just about awareness—it’s about action. And sometimes, the most loving action we can take is to step away, not out of resentment or avoidance, but out of the deep knowing that healing flourishes in clarity, in space, and in the willingness to move beyond what feels familiar but is no longer serving us.


By embracing this truth, we free ourselves from the expectation that all connections or interactions must be preserved or continued, recognizing instead that some are only meant to be catalysts for our growth. So, having the courage to let go is not a failure of loyalty, love, care, or effort on our part—rather, it is an affirmation of our commitment to evolving into who we are meant to be. And in choosing this path, we are not acting out of indifference but out of a deep understanding that true growth requires discernment—one that calls us to prioritize our well-being, release what no longer aligns with our evolution, and trust that in doing so, we are creating the space necessary for the relationships and experiences that genuinely nurture and support our journey forward.


When we truly understand this, we must accept that not every bond is meant to last forever, and not every interaction or shared path is meant to continue indefinitely. There comes a point where we must honor the space between who we were and who we are becoming—a space that requires us to trust that letting go is not an act of rejection but an act of self-respect. And by creating this space for ourselves, we allow others the freedom to evolve in their own way, in their own time. And in doing so, we open ourselves to the kind of relationships, connections, and experiences that truly support the next level of who we are becoming—ones that align with our healing, our authenticity, and the fullest expression of who we are becoming.




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